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I hope they don't have kids

We have no clue the story behind this car we saw in the parking lot, so we made some educated guesses.

My fictitious caption to the story:
Derek Bauer, owner of a local lobster rubber-band manufacturing plant, will soon be ticked that some alleged female has mistaken his car for Mark's.

My roommate's fictitious caption to the story:
Mark, the ever grammatical elitist, left his wife not so much for the vandalistic display of hate, but because he could not relish the fact that his own spouse would leave a question mark off a blatantly interrogative sentence.

Quick thoughts/rants/blurbs/resultsofboredom

-One of the most common outlashes of the Fashion Police is against the wearing of socks with sandals. Hey, what if I want to wear socks cause they're comfortable, but don't want my feet to sweat that much. There is no solution to my problem other than wearing socks with sandals you bastards.

-Man, I seriously recommend reading Searching for God Knows What. At least five of those chapters are ranked in my top 6 most profound chapters I've ever read.

-My mom is going through chemotherapy for her breast cancer. She has no hair and my brothers shaved her head the other night. Honestly, I don't I could have done that without crying. But anyways, she has a wig. She now looks like Mrs. Cleaver (even though I've never actually seen her or that show or a beaver for that matter).

-I like Hillary more than most conservatives. She's smart and she was one of the first democrats to compliment some decisions made concerning Iraq. I respect her for that...or any politician who can acknowledge that the other side is doing something well.

-I am thoroughly enjoying Rob Edwards teaching right now. Which has made me want to study the book of Mark....probably the first time ever that I've actually really studied the Bible on my own.

-Please do not rent trucks from Uhaul. Not because I work for Penske, but because I am a fellow human being who cares about others and doth not want them stranded on the side of the road.

-I don't have cable. I basically have TBS and 5 crappy Christian channels. If I have to choose between Tyler Perry's House of Payne, The Bill Engvall Show, and back-to-back-to-back-to-back Everybody Loves Raymond reruns, I choose death.

Still trying to figure this thing out

i don't know what i'm going to do the rest of my life, but I do know that I will at some point in my life (God-willing) be involved with these:

- I will be a teacher at a Christian school.
- I will live in Cherokee, North Carolina and be involved somehow in the lives of the Cherokee people helping them either economically, socially, and/or spiritually.
- I will coach baseball whether that's at a school, my son's team, or a random little league team.
- I will have skin cancer.

Basketry was my favorite merit badge

(at a fancy restaurant for our friend's birthday)
Tommy: How many penguins do you think you could kill in an hour? You have a baseball bat by the way.
Martin: Depends, am I mad at them?
Tommy: Who ISN'T mad at them??
Martin: I could probably kill one every 10 seconds for the first 15 minutes. Then fatigue would set in, and it would probably take 2-3 swings per kill. At around 40 minutes, I could probably only kill 1 per minute.
Tommy (after whipping out his calculator): That's 175. Not bad. The national average is 120.
Martin: Who in the world carries a calculator with them?
Tommy: I was planning on having this conversation

------------
Martin: If I were to guess, I bet Lebron James could get 92% of all white women in the US.
Ben: That's pretty sad.
Martin: Yeah, it's sad he's settling for a black girl.
Ben: No, it's sad b/c I could probably only get about 6% of white women.
Martin: but 13% of black women.
Ben: So could anyone that has an income.
Black guy: That's so true.

------------
Martin: How long have you lived there?
Girl I just met: Sorry, I have to go take a dump.

Ah the smell of sweat and beer

I was reading the nutrition facts label on my bottled water and got to thinking about all the bands I've ever seen live in concert. I made a list in case anyone ever asks how many bands I've seen that start with the letter "3".

311
Adema
Amy Grant
Andrew W.K. (4)
Backstreet Boys
Bebo Norman
Bela Fleck and the Flecktones
Blink 182
Boy hits car (4)
Caedmon's Call (2)
Celtic Woman
Collective Soul
Creed (2)
Dashboard Confessional
Dave Matthews Cover Band (3)
Derek Webb (5)
Disturbed
Drowning Pool
Elf Power
Eve 6
Everclear
Finger Eleven (4)
Flaw*
Flyleaf
Fuel
Godsmack
Green Day
Hoobastank
Indigo Girls
Jars of Clay
Linkin Park (2)
Live
Manheim Steamroller
Maroon 5 (3) *
Marvelous 3
Michael Card
Modern Skirts (3)
Nickelback
Nickelcreek (2)
no doubt
Nonpoint
O.A.R. (3)
Offspring
Oleander
Our Lady Peace (3)
Papa Roach
Rebecca St. James
Rehab (2)
Sevendust (2)
Shane and Shane
Silers Bald
Skillet
Smalltown Poets
Sonic Flood
Staind (3)
Static X
Stavesacre*
Stone Temple Pilots (4)
Stroke 9
Sufjan Stevens
Switchfoot
Third Day
Waterdeep
Wes King


Bold - in my top concerts of all time
* - saw it by myself

Ah, what the heck

Let me set the scene:
Friday night. My roommate was gone for the weekend. So I'm alone in my apartment. I was feeling like a loser for random reasons. Not depressed though. I had a "I'm really in the mood to sin" attitude. So I decided I would get incredibly drunk by myself.

Yeah, pathetic. Most intoxicated I've ever been. Regardless how the demeanor of this post may seem, I am not proud of this. But I do believe it brought to mind things worth talking about. The thoughts I had while drunk, I jotted them down just in case I would forget them in the morning:

-I thought how ashamed I'd be if certain people saw me.
Mainly I was thinking of if I were a father and my kids saw me....how scared and disappointed they'd be.

-How i could see why people enjoy drunkenness so much b/c it gives you this 'don't worry, be happy' attitude.
We Christians often say “The world only gets drunk so they can forget their miserable lives.” YES YOU ARE CORRECT! Stop acting like they're so guilty in comparison and realize you would be the same if you did not have the hope of Christ. This should make us long for others to know Christ so that alcohol would no longer be the savior of their problems but rather the transforming person of Jesus. I just hate that we act so above this as if we don't have any problems we want to suppress and would never do such a thing (often not because of anything to do with God but because of how other people would view us).

-How this is like a glimpse of heaven.
woah martin, explain yourself. Drunkenness allows you to lose your inhibitions, not being scared of what people think, being in an incredible mood where you laugh all the time. This doesn’t mean we should get drunk, but I know that when we truly grasp the Gospel, our identity in Christ, and God’s love for us (which may not be until heaven), we will have similar experiences.

- How badly I wished someone could share this liberation and enjoyment with me like my future wife or my good buddies or even my brothers.

- How people reading this would think much less of me and how much I would actually enjoy that....how that would just make me want to show you more of my filth so that i'd have zero self-image and righteousness of my own left to cling to which would force me to cling to Christ and His value being my value because that's all I'd have left. A part of me wants that to happen b/c life would be easier if I didn’t have to spend time worrying about and protecting my image of having all my ducks in a row.

- How the last of the mohicans' theme song is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard

-How amazing meeting Jesus will be and how he himself will wipe the tears from our eyes (rev. 21:4)


The reason I share this with you, the reason this personal stuff gets on my blog instead of a journal, is because I long to be open and not afraid of what other Christians will think. I long for life where Christians are not shocked by each others’ sin, but drawn to it with compassion and understanding. I long for Christians to view each other as “he/she belongs to Jesus” instead of being defined as “he/she has this or that problem or this or that virtue”. Another reason, maybe this will help rid people of the deep seeded belief that real Christians, even though they say they are sinners, don't commit real sins. I’m not telling you this to brag about my sin. I am trying to take this story of depravity and redeem it by making it beneficial to others. I hope you will forgive me for my drunkenness, my self-pity, and this blog post. Maybe more importantly, I hope you will be comforted that other Christians are just as messed up or more messed up than you, so maybe you will be encouraged to hide less, be transparent more.

Party like we've been redeemed

Anthony Bradley wrote:
So if the kingdom is real, if creation is all good, if life is not suppose to suck, if God is renewing all things to himself through Christ, if you are united to Jesus and standing before God forgiven, then why is your social life so boring? Why are you not either at a party or throwing a party every weekend? Why are you not inviting people into your community of celebration? (the rest of this)


Touche Anthony, touche. I've never been one to throw parties. But now I want to. My ideal party:

- *Amazing home-brewed beer put into a keg (costs the same as normal keg, but 5 times as good as any beer you could possibly buy at a gas station)
- Live Bluegrass band
- Hoe-down
- In the middle of the room, there's 10,000 6 ft long graduation tassels strung from the ceiling. B/c how cool would that be to run and dance through those.

*actually pursuing what I need to do this

Weirdest conversation ever

Anyone ever watched THE KID with Bruce Willis? Of course not. There's a part in the movie where he is back in time and he is sitting there chillin' with his 9yr-old self. It got me thinking how interesting it would be if the 23yr-old Martin got to hang out and talk to the 9yr-old Martin. Although honestly, I'd rather hang out with the 4yr-old Martin, he was much cuter, much cooler. Anyways, this is seriously what I would make sure I said to the 9yr-old Martin if we were to ever hang out:

1) When you get to high school, try to care more about individuals than about your social status, you'll be glad you did later.
2) Take vitamins so your growth is not stunted
3) Try to be less of a parent, more of a friend to your brothers
4) Make Mom pay for you to get guitar lessons
5) Invest in Google stock
6) I promise, everything is going to be alright

then i'd tickle him (me)

Life, you are funny

Post Office clerk: Yes, may I help you?
Martin: Yeah I just put a sealed letter in that blue bin mail drop box outside...and uh.....realized it had no stamp on it...and had no address on it either. Can you get it out for me?
----------
Martin: Man, Brittney Spears has gone crazy.
Joseph: That just goes to show you Martin that you can have fame, have success, have plenty of money.....but once you have a kid, your life is over.
----------
(Martin, Joseph, Roger walking through Macy's)
Martin: Holy cow! Look at those dresses! They're amazing!
(long pause)
Martin: I think that's the gayest thing I've ever said.
----------
(Martin and Peter showing the problems with our upstairs heating circulation to the Heating Repair Man)
Martin: Here's the problem: In this room, the heat is pouring through the vents. It's really hot.
Peter: Sorta like a really hot Christmas tree.
Martin: But in this next room, it's freezing cold.
Peter: Sorta like a freezing cold Christmas tree.

How Christian schools harm Christianity

What I fear about Christian schools:

- You have to be a Christian
It is expected of everyone to care about God. Which means, that some people have to fake it. Which means that real Christians notice that some people fake it, and consequently, tend to judge them for it. The people who are openly indifferent towards God see the hypocrisy in all those that fake it, and the Christians that are condemning, and end up hating Christianity all together.

-Because of the overall school attitude and discipline system, it is easy to confuse Christianity with good grades, good behavior, and following the school rules.
The students who get good grades and suck up to the teacher are somehow viewed as the best Christians as if Christianity has anything to do with good grades. The teachers and principals tend to reward these students by handing out "God points" or giving awards like "Most Christ-like" and "The Godly Award" which was really just given to some quiet girl with good grades. Ironically, this reward system/mentality harms the actual quiet girl w/ good grades the most. The person starts to think as long as they follow the rules, they're good with God. Christianity then starts to become more about what you do and don't do than what God has done. The more they think their morality holds merit, the less they think they need Jesus. The rest of the students see this and start to believe what the rest of America has believed all along: that Christianity is just about following some rules and being a goody-goody and therefore, is unattractive and irrelevant.

- They have Christian history books, Christian grammar books, Christian spelling books, Christian economics books, etc.
It may do a decent job of making sure Christian students are not "of this world" but it does a poor job of equipping them to make an impact while they're in this world. It may do a decent job of showing the subject through a Christian lens, but it fails to show the lens that the rest of the world, the world we are commanded to make disciples of, looks through. All truth is God's truth. Meaning the athiest geologist, who knows tons about rocks, knows a great deal about God's creation whether he acknowledges God or not. Meaning a painting of a sunset is just as "Christian" as a painting of Moses. By Christianizing spelling words, etc., two things are happening: we are furthering the gap between us and the people we are trying to relate to in order to show them Jesus, and we are stunting our understanding of the big picture that God has created everything and has come to redeem everything. We are secluding ourselves into this Christian bubble; if we continue doing that, how are non-Christians supposed to see our good works, our love for each other and give glory to God? How is a person supposed to engage the non-believer in an evolution discussion when they haven't been told a single thing about it, nor do they know where the non-believer is coming from? How is a person supposed to engage the unbeliever in a discussion about any topic when we've only heard the Christian point of view? How is a non-believer supposed to relate to us when we can't speak their language?

- Rules that are established in the name of promoting spiritual or acedemic growth, when in actuality they exist merely to protect the school's saintly image.
For instance, every guy's hair has to be no longer than a certain length. Because, of course, it is more godly to have short hair than long hair. Again, it is more important that we maintain our stereotypical Christian image than allow for individuality and freedom. (this is sarcasm for those of you who come from a Christian school (sorry, unneccessary cheap shot))
Another example, expulsion for getting pregnant. In other words, "If you commit one of the big sins on our list (not a list from the Bible), there may be forgiveness from God, but there isn't forgiveness from us. Since we can hide our sin, but yours is more visible, you make us look bad, so we must ask you to go."

(although honestly, if I were a pregnant girl, I would want to leave anyways because of all the condescending looks I would get in the halls. But still, let that be the girl's decision, not the school's.)
You may be able to argue and give me some good reasons why these rules are in place. Ok maybe so. But if one of the primary concerns is that students understand the beauty of Christianity, then the school must do everything it can to communicate this instead of possibly communicating the opposite. The way the school treats its "sinners" says everything about their Christianity; it says everything about their Jesus.

Dam*it, we need more community

Myself, 58yr old man Len, 34 yr old Tim, 26 yr old Ben, and fellow 23 yr old Tommy gathered together for an evening of beer tasting, story telling, encouragement, and toilet plunging. I think that maybe, just maybe, that was a glimpse of heaven.


(not us or anyone we know)

I want compromise, not war

One thing (yeah probably the only thing) I've never understood about women is the demand for the toilet seat to be put down. I could understand women preferring to not have to put the seat down themselves when they do their thing. And I would gladly serve and honor their request by keeping the seat down. However, the fact that this request makes their big top 10 complaints list, doesn't make sense. And here's my main reason why this is an unneccessary, counter-productive, you-don't-really-have-a-good-point complaint:

It would make more sense to demand the lid be up so you don't get splattered sprinklings of male urine on the toilet seat. If the toilet seat gets kept in the upright position, you'll at least have a clean one when it comes time to sit on it. If you demand they put it down, you run a great risk of getting a dirty one. And most guys unfortunately, will not clean up after themselves if the lid remains down. So basically by you demanding we put the toilet seat down you're saying "I'd rather have the seat down and possibly have to wipe your urine off of it than have the seat up and have to touch it to pull it down."

In light of this, I would recommend a more accurate complaint. Instead of writing notes, making signs, getting tattoos that say "Please Put the Seat Down", I think a wiser, more effective message would be "Please lift the seat up, then urinate, then put it back down for us. Thank you guys for being so awesome and manly."

Don't Waste Your Life

"Maybe you don’t care very much whether you make a lasting difference for the sake of something great. You just want people to like you. If people would just like being around you, you’d be satisfied. Or if you could just have a good job w/ a good wife, and a couple of good kids and a few good friends, a fun retirement, and a quick easy death, and no hell, --if you could have all that (even w/o God)--you’d be satisfied. That is a tragedy in the making. A wasted life. " - John Piper

According to this, most of the people in evangelical churches (dare I say Redeemer Pres, Christ Community Church, Carriage Lane Pres.) are wasting their life, myself included.

Isaiah 61

For our Christmas Eve Candle-light service, we went to our grandparents Methodist church, as we normally do. The pastor was very gifted, very organized, and a very good communicator. Nothing he said was particularly wrong or anything I disagreed with. Yet, I hated his message. (I usually hate people that use the word "hate" (and I hate irony), but if you think about it, in order to love something, you have to hate something; therefore, in my mind, I feel justified.) The jist of his sermon was this: God did the impossible through a virgin birth, so God can do the impossible in your life....what things in your life seem completely impossible to happen?....God can do it.

Martin, what's so wrong with that message? I could understand you maybe not getting much out of it, or maybe wishing the message was a little different, but why would you HATE it? Are you that arrogant with your non-Methodist ways that you hate anything that's doesn't meet your standard??

My response:
The pastor prayed earlier for God to bless all those who are less fortunate, who will have less joy this holiday season. That was nice of him, but what about all the people who are lacking joy right there in the congregation? What about all the people who are miserable, sad, depressed, and lonely in that church? The people who are finding out that nothing that they're getting for Christmas really satisfies them...the people who desperately want meaning in their lives but find none...the people who have been hurt by others, who feel unaccepted, unworthy, unlovable. You have this being the most attended service of the year, where there'll be tons of non-Christians, tons of people who realize something in their life is missing. Here's one of the best opportunities of the year to show how the Gospel of Christ, the coming of the Kingdom speaks into every single one of these people's situations, every one of these people's personal hell.....but you barely even give them a taste. You're sitting on a gold mine, but you don't really mention it. You have the medicine, but you give them none of it. If Christmas just stands as an example of how God can do unlikely things, then it doesn't meet the deepest need of the human soul. But if it's more than just an example, if it actually does meet people's greatest needs, then the coming of Jesus is the most relevant news ever.

Rant (ing)

Things that have recently peeved me:

Peeve 1) That voicemail lady that comes on for 40 unneccessary seconds on every cell phone. Do I really need to be told that when I'm done leaving my message I can simply hang up? Oh thanks, I had no clue.

Peeve 2) Ever watched football highlights? The announcer/anchor will say "watch this amazing 30 yard run by Joe Runningback!" Then the camera angle they use is so zoomed in on the runningback that you can't see anything else. You can't see the guys he's juking, or how fast he's going, or the tackles he's breaking. They might as well just show me a person running on a treadmill with a football in their hands.





Peeve 3) I like dessert. All guys do. Yet guys are not allowed to gather together to eat said desserts or they will all be considered fruity, or fruitcakish if you will. If I call all my guy friends up and say come over and we'll all eat dessert and have a dessert party, I would get punched in the throat for my gayness. Don't jump to conclusions, I don't actually desire to have a dessert party...I don't swing that way. I just don't like how a dessert gathering would never fly even though there's nothing inherently gay about it.

Peeve 4)
Crappy items that stores put out to appeal to the gift giver around xmas time. For example, LOST, the board game. The only people who will buy that is the gift givers who think "well, he likes the TV show LOST, and he likes chess which is a board game, so he'll like this." Even if it is a half-way decent game, where are you going to find 4 to 8 players who are willing to play it with you? Basically, stores know that it's not a quality product, but that people will still buy it hoping that their nephew will like it.



Peeve 5)
Ungrateful ducks

Wine Makes the Heart Glad

Background:
My 28yr old friend at work had a baby two months ago (yes him, not his wife). He has not had sex with his wife since the baby's conception 11 months ago. He has been utterly miserable as any guy could imagine. We even tried to help him come up with ways to seduce her, be it dressing up in gladiator attire, feeding her aphrodisiacs, drugging her, pretending to be knocked unconcscious while she's over in the shower so she'd have to come out and peform CPR on him while she's naked then he "awakens" and convinces her that since she's already half-way there they might as well do it, or a combination of these 4. Alas, nothing worked. All was hopeless until...

Friday, November 24th, after having a few glasses of thanksgiving wine, love was made.

Monday, November 27th at Snelling Dining Hall:
Martin: Hey 28yr-old friend, how was your thanksgiving?
28yr-old friend: (smiling from ear to cheek bone) Amazing, can you guess why?
Martin: No way! The gladiator attire worked????
28yr-old friend: Better. I didn't even have to dress up.
(Martin, 28yr old friend, 65 yr old friend, and Mark Vinson danced for the next 45 minutes in the freezers singing "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey)

Blog Slavery

Don't you hate it when you feel obligated to make a blog post, but you have nothing to write or anything to put up?


(a hornless unicorn)

NBA Anthem Playoffs

I can't help but think about the body of Christ, and how the church should be more like this. Here you have the entire building helping out the weak, the one who has messed up and desperately needs help. And you have coach Maurice Cheeks, the friend who selflessly helps out the person who is struggling despite the fact that he can't sing and is risking embarrassment.

Instead of being a group of people who are morally and spiritually self-sufficient (so that they really have no need for Jesus), the church is for people who are screw-ups and don't have all their ducks in a row, and know it. The church is for people who desperately need Jesus and desire for others to see their need as well.

I think we too often fail to believe this and that is why the church isn't more like this video. "We are trying so hard to be people who look like Jesus, instead of looking like people who need Jesus."

Dear Ladies

What ticks me off about all the women's magazines is that they have helped create one of the biggest lies around today: girls must have this skinny, perfect figure, or they are physically flawed. The second lie is that this is pretty much what all guys want. As a result, you have a generation plagued with eating disorders, insecurity, and an obession for physical beauty. I will try to destroy some of the myths that most girls believe are fact.

1) Every female I've ever met thinks "I could lose 5lbs." Yes, even the skinny girls say that. When honestly, let's say of all the girls I know in RUF, there may be 4 that I could see them being prettier if they lost a few pounds. That's 4 girls...not 140. When I walk in to the crowded Snelling Dining hall, I will probably find more girls that need to gain weight than need to lose weight.

2) Other girls see those tanned, bleach-blonde haired, girls with a decent amount of make-up on and think "those girls are what most guys want." Which makes sense because you mainly see those fake looking girls getting hit on all the time by guys. The truth is that those girls are hit on mainly because their tanning-bed tan, caked-on make-up face sends guys a message that says "I am easy!" So guys go for these girls, not because they actually find them more attractive and beautiful, but because they just want to get some play. In my opinion, most guys I've known seem to desire a tad bit of make-up or no make-up at all. Guys would much rather date a Sandra Bullock than a Pamela Anderson.

3) A friend of mine is always conscious of her big hips even though she is a physically fit girl. Other girls would agree with her that big hips are unattractive. I beg to differ. Yes there are guys who would find big hips unattractive as well, but there's an equal amount of guys who either are completely indifferent to the big hips or actually find it attractive. The same goes with most of girls' physical traits. The physical flaws that girls claim to have are really just like any given pro-baseball team...you have guys that are bothered by that team, guys that are indifferent to that team, and guys who love that team. There's no one baseball team that everyone hates nor one that everyone loves.

If any girls are actually reading this right now you are probably thinking as you read these 3 myths "well i am probably one of those girls in the dining hall that needs to lose weight....yeah i know, but if i was tanner and bustier, i would get more guys (yes i would be attracting shallow guys, but that doesn't matter b/c what I'm really after is a self-esteem boost).....ok, but have you seen my thighs, they're huge; no guy is attracted to those." Isn't it sad what years of brainwashing can do? Ladies, I promise you that your physical flaw(s) is a much bigger deal in your eyes than in others'.