Basketry was my favorite merit badge

(at a fancy restaurant for our friend's birthday)
Tommy: How many penguins do you think you could kill in an hour? You have a baseball bat by the way.
Martin: Depends, am I mad at them?
Tommy: Who ISN'T mad at them??
Martin: I could probably kill one every 10 seconds for the first 15 minutes. Then fatigue would set in, and it would probably take 2-3 swings per kill. At around 40 minutes, I could probably only kill 1 per minute.
Tommy (after whipping out his calculator): That's 175. Not bad. The national average is 120.
Martin: Who in the world carries a calculator with them?
Tommy: I was planning on having this conversation

------------
Martin: If I were to guess, I bet Lebron James could get 92% of all white women in the US.
Ben: That's pretty sad.
Martin: Yeah, it's sad he's settling for a black girl.
Ben: No, it's sad b/c I could probably only get about 6% of white women.
Martin: but 13% of black women.
Ben: So could anyone that has an income.
Black guy: That's so true.

------------
Martin: How long have you lived there?
Girl I just met: Sorry, I have to go take a dump.